batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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