my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
