her vagine was all disorganized.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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