FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
