...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
