I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Green mimosas i think yes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
