My nipple is on Facebook.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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