He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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