She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
