i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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