This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
