Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
