Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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