just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
