Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
