just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
