Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
