And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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