At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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