Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
