I cockslap morals
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
