Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
