We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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