shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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