3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
