this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
