I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
