I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
