that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
