can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
