Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
