When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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