just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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