my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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