I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
