Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize