You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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