the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
