She's JV to your varsity
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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