i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
