Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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