I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
