i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
