So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want to make out with him forever
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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