That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
