We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
