wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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