So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
