I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
