I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
