i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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