There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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