hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
