made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
