If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
