I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
