He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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