The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
