DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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