Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
