I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
