How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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