yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
