I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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