Dual....:-)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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