my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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