Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need to calm my uterus...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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