This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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