Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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