I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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