I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
