her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
